I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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