You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
