....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
