glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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