Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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