yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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