Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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