My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
