Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
