I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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