it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i out mim tonsoeep
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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