I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
