I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
