I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
