please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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