Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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