Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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