I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
