There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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