just tell him i said nine months
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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