So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
