Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
