A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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