she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
