I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
