Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
