apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
