THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have tasted many bathrooms
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
