I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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