well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize