I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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