i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
