She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize