When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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