I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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