Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize