I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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