worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
