Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize