You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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