literally had 100 drinks last night.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
