As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
honey bunches of taint.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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