I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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