who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
vagina is talking i cant
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
