My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
