TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
