Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
