You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
