Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
