I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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