Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
