Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
