Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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