last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
