I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
