if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
