what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
