I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
