He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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