I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
