I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You took a bar mat shot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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